God was Murdered

New Year ’ s eve — 31 December 2 0 2 0 It was a usual Thursday afternoon for me & my seventeen-year-old daughter, Krystal. We were drinking bootlegged Mexican tequila right out-of-the-bottle, when I had an epiphany as I gazed at the eight-letter word tattooed on her left arm. I knew it was time to come clean & tell the world of my grotesque sin.  This letter is my profound confession. I, not China, am the monster who created Corona — I’m solely responsible for the chaos that the world of humans finds itself engulfed in 2020.  Let me take you back to the origins of my original sin. I was a mediocre little baby, who grew up to be an even more mediocre little boy. The only way to move up the golden ladder of the “Social Order” was to join a cult — of course, Religion & Baba-worship were the obvious choices. But I knew my best bet was to latch on to something that’s not mainstream yet but had the potential to be the Next Big Thing. It was new year’s eve - 1991. I...

Ever since I got sucker-punched in the face & kicked in the balls on my 7th birthday by Dalai Lama, panty-dropper ideas have been pouring out of me more frequently than the graceful ‘N’ word in a Tarantino film. Elon Musk is a lucky basterd; I’m the GOAT of great ideas. Hold your breast & breath, my time has come. I can already smell the shiny recycled Swedish metal of the Nobel Peace Prize with my name engraved on its crotch. Before I take your stinking breath away with my awe-inspiring idea to erase malnutrition forever like we’ve erased Polio, Orkut, & Freedom to hang-&-bang naked in public, I will take a moment to show respect of the highest order to China. They were the pioneers of the humanitarian idea to solve malnutrition by imposing the 1-child policy - I loved how they grabbed the problem by the sperms & nipped the problem of babies in the bud. “No Baby, No Malnutrition.” I corona te China the New God. It was the perfect solution till it ran out of steam ...

  I love sly cunts. Trees & Humans are sly cunts. Trees & Humans have a binary , black-&-white relationship: love-lengthily & kill-swiftly. Humans plant seeds & when they grow up to be trees, humans “cut them down” or shall we say “cunt them down” to make buildings & bridges. Trees, at times, take sweet sweet revenge by ‘passing out’ on humans & parachuting them to the infinite abyss of death. Trees put even the Japanese to shame when it comes to Kamikazé maneuvers. Unlike humans, trees don’t take pride in killing or feeding humans. Trees are a lot like Joker - they do good shit & bad shit — for the heck of it. A coconut tree doesn’t give a flying fuck if the coconut refreshes or crushes a human. **Several graphic videos have surfaced showing coconut trees chuckling & high-fiving each other, each time a coconut falls on a human head & the human drops dead like a cockroach :)  Au contraire, Humans love taking pride. We are prou...

Do you ever wonder why anything that happens, happens? Things like — unexpected birth of a sibling, unexpected death of a sibling, unexpected lifelong love, unexpected lifelong imprisonment. Do you ever wonder? or are you one of those naive romantic cunts who believes in Destiny.  I wish I was like you, but I’m not. I believe in signs & I follow them like a psychotic stalker. 45 - that’s what I call her. I met her in a basement office for a formal project six.point.five months ago. I met her almost every day for hours. When I suddenly parted ways 3 weeks later, she felt what an LSD addict feels if she’s cut off cold turkey. After her cheeks had dried, she did what most of us have either forgotten or never learned to do - she wrote long email letters telling me about mundane-quirky events of her inconsequential life. She knew I may never read those long emails, but she wrote them nevertheless. I read them 4 months later. I wrote back. She wrote back 2 days...