- Seven - In Death hides Immortality

My name is Rohan Bhatia – It is of no consequence, so forget about it. But the story I’ve for you may hold importance but I’ll leave that for you to decide.

27th May 2006, I was self-diagnosed to be suffering from the disease called – Lifesuck-sigytis.

Yeah! At 1^st instance it may strike odd but it isn’t. It’s common as common cold, big chunk of us mortals suffer from it at some juncture of our lives. We just don’t have the knowledge of the fact that – We do.

To my horror, I was in the last stage of this tormenting ailment. Anything that could possibly go wrong in a human being’s life - Had. For instance – bloodsucking job, broken engagement (she remains my inspiration), dysfunctional family, I had no talent & my future was a sinking ship. In common terms – I was good for nothing or plain dumbass (although I am still a dumbass)

Garbage was worth more than me, everyone had dismissed me, I was a fiasco - there wasn’t any hope left. What was I living for anymore was the question recurrent in my empty head.

I was a desolate soul, air was sucked out of my lungs – on life support but I wished somebody – anybody - pulled the plug – I begged for Mercy Death, but no such luck. Even God didn’t want me. What an abandoned soul.

I was going to be 25 years old in a handful of days, I wanted Death Day rather than Birth Day - I simply had nothing to live for. But there comes my problem, this disease – Lifesuck-sigytis – it doesn’t kill you, you don’t die of this stupid disease – only suffer.

Couple of days later I was at this place called CP (No! not Copenhagen – it’s Connaught Place). It’s New Delhi’s Shopping Hub. I saw an emaciated man sitting on the tiled pavement, the sun was scorching at 45 degrees & I am positive the pavement would have fried an egg in 23 seconds flat. He was a beggar to state the obvious; his skin was literally melting from the impact of the mercilessly blazing sun.

I felt sick – I wanted to help this man out of his misery & make his life better. What a joke – I was a man on life support who couldn’t sort out his own problems, how can I even imagine helping a third person, I scoffed at myself. But I felt strong compassion for this Melting Man, I felt torn. My own sorrows felt minuscule against his.

That day I felt cheated by God. He fills up my heart with compassion for the poor & emaciated & takes away all my happiness & gives me no Talent. Now I can’t help anyone or myself. But I want to help. It made me feel like a Guinness Book of World Record Holder whose Trophy reads – Loser – with a Bold Capital L.

And then I did something I wouldn’t do at my insane best. I looked up into the skies & yelled - I yelled incessantly. My bizarre behavior scared the passersby. All started to walk at a distance of at least 2 meters from me if not turn around & walk in the reverse direction. It didn’t bother me – I was zoned out. I was inconsolable.

                            

I asked God – Why was he doing this to me, did he do this for his amusement. I repeated my question on numerous occasions & re-phrased & paraphrased it few times but God wasn’t listening. I stooped to lower levels & tried obscenities to elicit a response but to no avail. God had grown thick skin.  

I kept calling but he wouldn’t take the call on his end. Either he simply didn’t care or he was tired of the shenanigans of us mortals.

I don’t know what the reason was but I didn’t get any reply to my entreaties.

I yelled till my throat was parched as dandruff. I still didn’t want to give up but my throat got blocked & words got stuck in the jam. I had to give up or I risked losing my voice too, I couldn’t afford that, I was in crisis already.

When I eventually started to trudge back home in utter disappointment, a voice fell on my eardrums, it eloquently quoted – ‘You know the answers to all your questions, Son’ – whoosh – the voice was gone.

I yelled again, I called God again but he had switched his cell phone off. ‘What a cheeky bugga’ I mumbled. I didn’t know what to do but that had been the case for a while now.

I drove back home wondering what those words meant – was it God or some inner voice or some drunk dude yelling from the back of a discarded Ice Cream cart.

What did those words mean anyway? The words kept playing Pin Ball inside my head; I tried my best but couldn’t decipher them - it pissed me off.

I mean if I already have all the answers then why is my life miserable – the words played more pinball but rather surprisingly I had a sound sleep.

When I woke next morning - I had my sacrosanct ginger tea - went for a 23 minute run. Later I sat under an over 100 years old Banyan Tree. It gave me shade, I felt calm after a long hiatus. I don’t know if something struck me or what, but I realized that the only way to find the answers to my questions was to fight through the torturous diseases like Lifesuck-sigytis & not give up – No matter what.

Something told me everyone on Earth has a purpose, so did I. I must fulfill my purpose in order to find my Nirvana. It sounds corny but it’s probably true.

No purpose is big or small, as long as we achieve what’s designated to us by the almighty, we’ll be blessed & our soul will rest in peace.

Now the next task was to find my purpose & I had no clue. God could have made a mistake & sent me without one. May be I was some prototype, a test run. I told myself to shut up & wake up from my sleep – It was about time. That day I thought a lot - I got tired of thinking. I hit the sack early, was woken by Mother at 7am, she offered me Tea. I gladly accepted. While I was sipping on the tea, some audio-visuals started to run through my head. ‘What the hell was that’ I inquired of myself. I am bit of a dimwit & it took me few seconds to realize that it was a segment of the dream I had last night, it still lingered in my head.

‘But I never remember my dreams – Never’. Something was eerie, was it a sign, if it was, what did it mean, more pinball in my head but it didn’t give me headache, it gave me relief. It gave me a short-term purpose to decipher the signals. I hoped it’d lead me to my real purpose.

Next day when I woke, I recalled another portion of the dream. This happened for 3 consecutive days. But I couldn’t put anything together. I would hardly remember much of the dream or it won’t add up. On the fourth morning I went to a stationary shop & bought some spiral notebooks & pens. I didn’t know at that time; the simple decision to buy writing material was to become one of the most pivotal decisions of my life.

From that day on – I’d wake & grab my cup of tea from mum each morning - thank her for her benevolence - grab my notebook & pen & simply write anything I remembered of the dream.

After three months I was still confused but I had managed to realize that the dreams I had every day was - One Dream – One Story – but because the story was an epic – it was told to me every night in my dreams in installments. Also because of the fact that I’m dumb, it took me a while to comprehend. I kept writing - I had stopped asking questions now. Unintentionally I was moving toward the answers. I wasn’t desperate anymore. I was following my heart. My fears & my disease grew innocuous by the day.

I knew I had to put the dream together & eventually I will have One Story, but it wasn’t all that simple. My dreams were heterogeneous; they were all over the place. At times they were vivid, on others they were a blur.

When it was vivid, it was like watching a mega budget Hollywood film in a theatre with Digital Dolby or THX. And when it was blurry, it was like watching a C-grade film & that too on a pirated DVD with a camera print & an appalling sound quality.

It was an ordeal to remember when it was blurry but my patience never wore thin. I kept jotting down each morning like my life depended on it. Weird as it may be – It really did.

My protracted dream lasted 11 months & a week. It took me another 11 months to decode it & put it in a chronological order.

In those dreams I was ushered into the lives of mainly 3 people. Vikram Pratap Rana – Siddharth Choudhary & Kajal Rathore. I was with them everywhere they went, everything they did - I was there & most importantly I felt everything they felt.

They couldn’t see me, even as I stuck with them like their shadow.

At first I heard what they said but soon I penetrated through their outer shells & smashed right into the core of their soul, I fell with a thud but I recuperated quickly. As I was getting my balance back, I saw a door leading outwards, it was ajar, I instinctively started to rush towards it but I was overcome by a vociferous feeling, it said – This is it - This is home.

Instead of leaving I shut the door & decided to stay in the heart of their souls till I was welcome. At that point I didn’t know how long I’d be staying but I really didn’t care a damn. I was home; I wanted to follow my instincts, not worry about the consequences. I had found my purpose; I had found my calling I had been waiting for 25 years.

My purpose is to tell the story my heart told me in my dreams, my purpose is to share it with you all. This book is a testament of my purpose. It’s the first installment because I’m already deep into my next epic Dream. God wants people to know my dreams - they are not my dreams – they are a message from above. I am just the transporter.

I am an Ordinary Man who’s had a Rollercoaster of a Life. God has asked me to fulfill my purpose & I’ll be welcome, when I get back to him. I don’t know if I’ll go to heaven or hell but I want to remain the ordinary man I am & never change even if I become famous, of which there’s absolutely - No Chance -. I want to be the same dumbass I’m as we converse. I like myself now – it feels real.

Next 100 odd pages contain an astonishing tale but it’s real, real as mother’s love, pure as the raindrops – yet it’s ordinary, like me, like most of us.

Although I entered the soul of only few people but by the end of my stay in their hearts I realized I had lived in the core of all human beings. I understood how our lives are interlinked, how everyone has a purpose. How everyone gets an opportunity to shape their destiny & how the choices we make during our lives; spell the future, not only ours but for all, who ever walked the earth.