Live-in

Web series Title: Live-in

Concept

The story spans over three weeks & flashbacks [90-minute reel time spread over six 15-minute webisodes]. Five major characters [22-23-years-old post graduate students] are Adil [narrator {ice-cool chutia}], Arshi [Adil’s twin sister & cold-hearted bitch], Mira [Adil’s live-in girlfriend & magical heart reader], Kamles aka Basterd [promiscuous, Adil’s BFF, Arshi’s ex-BF, Maddy’s live-in not-BF], Manjari aka Maddy [girlfriend-of-the-year without a jealous bone – not-dating but surely-mating with Kamles]

Shit hits the fan when Mira kicks Adil out from their live-in home. Adil moves in with Maddy-&-Kamles & has to sleep on the same bed. Why. Kamles reckons Adil’s a chicken & would run back to Mira in the middle of the night & beg her to take him back. Adil knows Kamles is right.

Adil & Mira love each like madly. But, at times, paradoxically, you just can’t live with the one you really love. Even if it breaks your heart, sometimes, you gotta kick them out.

More shit hits the fan – Arshi is thrown out of her college [in Delhi] & instead of going home to Ahmedabad, she shows up in Bombay - And moves in with Mira.

To put things into perspective – Arshi [Adil’s sister whom he despises] is now living-in with Adil’s girlfriend Mira. And Adil is living with Arshi’s ex-BF Kamles, whom Arshi had dumped unceremoniously. Adil has always maintained Kamles fell in love [big fucking mistake] with Arshi [vociferously denied by Kamles]. Now Arshi is back in their [Adil & Kamles] life. The thing about Arshi is, you may hate her guts, but you can’t ignore her. And then there’s Maddy who has this special thing for Kamles that instead of chilling in California [where she’s studying filmmaking], she’s here with him in his non-airconditioned one-room flat in Bombay for her summer vacation. She knows the moment she boards the plane back to LA, Kamles will bang the first hot chic that lets him. But, she won’t do anything to stop him from doing what he has to do – I told you she’s the girlfriend-of-the-year.

This complex shit-storm turns into a tsunami of a colossal potpourri of past, present, and future interspersing. People find out things about themselves that they didn’t know existed. The circumstances make them face things they had buried under the surface.

As Adil says ‘Our eyes see it the way it is – but it isn’t always the way it is.’

Screenplay along with dialogue - Episode – 1

Scene – 1

Opening Sequence – INT. - Adil’s face & shoulder are visible – He’s is lying on a bed with minimum light.

Adil starts to speak to the audience. His voice is mellow; his words are sharp.

“Zindagi ki ek Saturday ko chicken, butter mein girta hai. Aur fir voh spectacular butter chicken banke tere mooh mein girta hai. Aur ussi sensational Saturday night ko tu thodi zyada peeke khule gutter mein girta hai.

Dono tasveero mein Zindagi tujhe dikhati hai ki voh badi harami hai – isme kuch pakka nahi hai – not even erection.

Maa-baap tab tak pyaar karte hai jab tab tu voh karta hai jisse voh pyaar karte hai. Friends - are an endangered species. Fakebook ke replicas ko hi part-time BFF banana padta hai. Marriage arranged or Love nahi hoti – Arranged or bro-I-know-the-girl hoti hai. Asli pyaar Olympic medal ki tarah hai, har chutiye ko nahi milta.

Par do cheez pakki hai life mein – tu saala kitna bhi fucking awesome ho, relationship tujhe dikhata hai ki tu chutiya hai – top level. Aur Zindagi mein tune chahe saala kuch bhi kara – Mount Everest ke top pe you had a threesome with Megan Fox & Scarlett Johansson. Created the first smartphone jiski bencho battery life hafta bhar hai. Agar… [Adil slips back down the memory lane]

Flashback – 4 months ago – EXT. -  Freezing January night – Darjeeling

Adil & Mira are sitting on a hill. Adil isn’t great with the cold & is shivering as he’s smokes.

Mira removes her bomber jacket. ‘Here, wear this.’ Adil shakes his head. ‘Wear the damn thing.’ she insists. He declines again. ‘What the hell are you worried about?’ she asks. He says ‘my cigarettes are already gonna give you cancer. Now, are you trying to catch pneumonia?’ Mira looks him in the eyes, gets up & goes around - slowly puts the jacket on him. Then she whispers in his left ear ‘For you, Adil, I will take both cancer and pneumonia and still kick life’s ass.’ Then she leans over and kisses him the way one should be kissed.

Real time

‘Toh agar koi tere liye ek cancer aur ek pneumonia nahi leh sakta to teri zindagi ‘Ram Gopal Verma ki Aag’ hai. [pause & smirk] Ban-ni hi nahi chahiye thi saali.’

Pan out – a girl is sleeping face-up next to him on a bed – His left & her right hand wrists are hand-cuffed together.

‘I’m Adil. I’m in a live-in relationship for the past 13 weeks. Not with her. Yes, it feels like fifty shades of grey. It isn’t.’

Pan further out – another lad is sleeping in foetal position on the right of the girl [facing her]

‘That’s Kamles, what a shitty name, right. We call him – Basterd. He loves it. This is Manjari – aka Maddy. Basterd is my soul mate. We’re straight.

But Maddy says “How do I know?” that’s why I sleep on her side. She doesn’t trust me with him.

And about why I’m sleeping handcuffed with Maddy when I’m in a live-in – Mira kicked me out of our house. Yep, Mira the girl who will take cancer & pneumonia for me – I know I’m chutia but sometimes you just lucky in life, bro.

Right now, we’re a mess – I know you’ve already noticed.

Handcuffs are to ensure I don’t go running back to Mira in the middle of the night & ask her to take me back. Basterd says “I don’t trust you, bro.” He doesn’t trust anyone in love. He’s right. I wouldn’t trust myself either.’

Kamles shuffles in sleep, his movement wakes Maddy & unconsciously they start making out

‘So, I’ve to sleep these nights with these geniuses as they make out at 3am. And I can’t sleep even after 7 beers. And my limit is 6.

I think it’s time to tell you my story – our story - piece-by-piece.’

---

Scene 2 – Basterd {Kamles} [eating a king-sized dark chocolate] & Adil [drinking white tea] are looking profoundly at a hot chic from their balcony. And then get into a friendly banter.

‘Tu Dhoom ka Uday Chopra hai. Tu baat karne se pehle ugly bachche peda karne lagta hai.’ Basterd says.
‘May be I don’t wanna be a slut like you.’ Adil responds.

‘Is it difficult because no girl looks at you?’ Basterd fires back.

‘You were in love with Arshi’ Basterd gives him the look saying – that’s so below the belt.

‘We were just having really awesome sex.’

‘She used you and chucked you out of her life.’ Basterd pretends he can’t hear Adil.

Flashback – 4 years ago [Arshi coldly breaks up with Kamles]

‘I’m breaking up with you because I don’t want us to go any further. I don’t want to wait till you start feeling some big stuff for me & propose me to marry you. I don’t wanna break your heart then so I’m doing it now. Clean break. Now, you can go bang anyone you like.’ Arshi told Kamles like nothing mattered. 

Adil was shamelessly eavesdropping –‘I believe it’s shameful to not be shameless. And I think what Arshi did to him - changed him.’ Adil thought. ‘The trouble is not – never falling in love – the trouble is falling in love with someone who doesn’t give a shit about you.’

Real time

‘Accept it; you were in love with her.’ Adil continued the assault.

‘Never even for a second, bro’

‘You wrote her letters. 11 fucking letters - 10 fucking pages long.’

‘People make mistakes. And you’re such a loser; you used to watch us make out.’

‘Eew. You deliberately made out in front of me. It used to make me suicidal. She's my twin sister & you're my best fucking friend. Why on earth would I wanna be part of you two making out.’
‘You got a weird kick outta it. It was your cocaine.’

Adil let the jibe slip & changed the conversation’s direction. ‘How the af you keep hogging chocolate like a cow & not get fat & I put on a kilo after starving the entire day and drinking this tasteless white tea.’

‘Try yogic masturbation.’

‘Duniya mein teen tarah ke log hotey hai. Ek – jinko pata hi nahi ki voh chutiya hai. Do – Mere jaise – jinko pakka pata hai ki voh chutiya hai. Teen – Tu – jinhe peda hotey hi galati se khidki se fhek dena chahiye tha.’

‘I guess my mother loved me too much.’

‘That’s the trouble with mothers they can love everything that comes out of them. Even an Olympic standard basterd.’

‘I’ll take that as a compliment.’

‘It was a bloody compliment.’

They give High-fives & laugh like nutjobs.

‘My mother disliked Kamles. I mean she disliked most of the people, but Kamles was on top her blacklist. She’d do everything to see the end of our friendship.’ Adil to audience.

Flashback – 4 years ago – INT. Adil leaving for college [Adil parents’ living room]

‘Beta roz Nawaz padna – hafte mein ek baar masjid zaroor jaana. Aur Adil, beedi-shaarab bilkul nahi. Aur ladkiyon ke saath – no funny business.’ Abba advised. [Arshi smirks smugly sitting on the couch – and curls into a ball with her Leo fucking Tolstoy’s War & Peace – she thinks she's super smart.] ‘Aur agar ladki pasand karni hi hai to muslim karna & paneer khaane wali vegetarian toh no – no.’

‘Dad, mummy vegetarian aur hindu hai. Aur aap khud mosque nahi jaate aur Dutt uncle ne apko girls college ki deewar koodtey dekha tha.’ I said piqued.

‘Meri galatiyo se seekh, Adil. Aur Dutt ne dhutt hokey apne papa ko dekha hoga.’

‘Ho gaya apka – meri baari.’ Mom intervened. ‘Beta, two things I ask of you – don’t get a Christian bahu – voh log apne Mandir mein mini skirt aur jootey pehen ke jaate hai. But, mein Christian ke saath bhi nibha loongi, but yeh Kamles oof. Arshi se seekh – usne finally kaat diya usse apni life se – tu meri kasam kha tu usse ab nahi milenga. Tu mujhse pyaar karta hai toh kasam kha meri.’ Bloody blackmail.

‘Tumhari kasam, Maa.’

But, honestly, there are more chances of me having a threesome with Megan Fox & Scarlett Johansson than me never meeting Kamles again.

‘Why.’ That’s a good question.

Flashback

‘Kamles saw me getting rejected by a fat girl in 7^th grade. In 8^th grade, he witnessed me getting beaten by a junior. And you don’t want to get beaten by a junior that too 3 years junior. Kamles told him ‘I will break all your bones and when they all heal, I will break them again & burn your tiny penis,’ if he went bragging about what he did to me. In 10^th grade, Kamles saw me stealing a bra from Tanisha’s bag. I had a massive crush on her & she had massive hooters.

And I can tell Kamles anything. Anything. And he has done things for me that I don’t bloody deserve. Once I liked this hot chic a lot & it turned out that he too had hots for her. I knew if she had to choose between him & me, she will choose him 10 on 10 times. But, he told me to go take the first shot. Of course, she shot me down. When I told him ‘Now, it’s turn to ask her out.’ He said ‘I ain’t asking out the bitch who turned my bitch down.’ We really laughed bigtime but in my heart I knew he did a solid for me as I knew he really liked that chic.

Now that kinda friend you don’t find on fakebook or insultgram. And what kind of fucker lets go of a friend like that. Not me, bitches.’

Real time

‘Jhooth bol raha hai, fattu.’ Arshi – the cold-blooded bitch lashed out.

Adil to the audience. ‘I don’t like her. I have never liked her. You know I told you, I’m in a live-in relationship for the past 13 weeks. I wasn’t telling you the complete truth. I’ve always been in a live-in relationship with Arshi.

Till age 7 we slept in the same bed - Arshi would always push me to one corner & hog most of the bed. Finally, mom listened to my solemn pleas & got a new bed made for me. Arshi always got the TV remote – Dad got her a bicycle-with-gears for her 8^th birthday and got me a toy train. A fucking toy train. Age 9 – she’d destroy my peace by dancing like a maniac – her favorite song – Macarena – not the original but Anu Malik’s inspired version. Age 10 – I had to witness her stuff her bra with socks for her first date. And I couldn’t even speak to a girl who was even barely pretty. Age 12 – she got butt drunk & threw up all over me when I tried to help her to the washroom. Age 13 – she smoked pot in our room with all the windows shut – I almost died of instant asthma attack. Age 14 – she beat me at arm-wrestling in front of Kamles. Age 15 – started dating my best friend - Kamles – the only thing that was mine was more hers now. Age 16 – they would make out in the room as I’d be doing my homework like a nerd. Age 17 – I finally broke up with Arshi & ended my torturous live-in with her. I mean I didn’t really do anything. We finished high school & she got admission in Delhi University and moved away. And my parents started building a new room for her to be ready in time when she came back for summer holidays. My life of torment was over. Or so I thought.

And one more thing – I don’t like her one bit but I respect her. Between the two of us, she has the balls.

A week after the board exams finished, mom found a 20-pack of Durex in the back our cupboard. Mom straightaway assumed the pack belonged to me. And it actually did. When she confronted me, I froze like a fucking Eskimo. Arshi barged in & said ‘Mom, they’re mine.’ Mom started blinking frantically & ran away calling out for dad to pack quickly for a pilgrimage.

‘Why did you that for?’ I asked, still in shock.

‘Get one thing clear in your microscopic brain – it wasn’t about love. I hate you & I always will.’

‘What was it for then?’

‘I did it because you don’t have the balls to face mom & dad.’ She was right. I almost shat my pant when mom showed me the condoms. ‘And I don’t get it why a loser a like you will hoard a 20-pack. Punk, no girl is touching you – not this year – not ever. Not even the fattest ones.’ She was right again. I had gotten carried away when a girl kissed me because she really liked Kamles and Kamles told her the only way ‘I’ll make out with you is if you make out with Adil.’

As she was walking away coolly, I said ‘Arshi’ she turned her head & gave me the stare ‘What’

I deliberately waited another 5 seconds and delivered the finest lines of my life ‘It’s always about love.’

You should have seen her get furiously red. ‘If you ever – ever say that cheesy fucking shit to me again – I will make you my bitch.’ I couldn’t even pretend to not be scared. Arshi hardly ever threatened, but when she did, she always came good.

Real time

Maddy opens the door & yells ‘Breakfast, douchebags.’ She’s holding polybags filled with idli, wadas, chutney & sambhar. My kinda breakfast.

Moments later, they’re getting cosy at the breakfast table. I speak as I stuff my face with idli.

‘When you could be sitting with the most gorgeous boy in the most gorgeous weather in California, you decide to spend your summer vacation in this shitty weather with this basterd.’ Oh I didn’t tell ya. Maddy studies filmmaking at California University.

‘Adil, heart always makes bad decisions. Mine is no different.’

‘You do know the moment you board the flight back to LA, he’s gonna bang the first hot chic that lets him.’

She nodded in acceptance. Her jealouslessness baffles me. I mean girls are supposed to be chipkoo jealous bitches.

‘I can’t get it why someone like you is with someone like him.’

‘He gives me the tingles.’

‘Fucking tingles.’ She falls into his lap. As he shows me the middle finger. You know what I have learned from Maddy – I’ve learned to – Let Go – I’ve learned to not stop the person you love, but let them be whoever the fuck they wanna be. I’ve learned – that’s the only way you can truly love someone – by letting them go. In her words – let them bang whoever they want.

Looking at them gave me tingles vicariously. But, you know who truly madly gave me the tingles. Yes, you got that right - Mira.

Flashback

2.30 am – EXT. Grant Road train station - 5 months ago

‘Are you waiting for a train?’ At this hour, I didn’t expect to be sitting with a girl who isn’t a ragpicker, morbidly fat, mentally messed up or makes me wanna turn instantly gay. And I definitely didn’t expect her to speak to me. Girls don’t see me – for them I don’t exist – period.

‘No. There are no trains.’ that’s the best answer I could think of & it was true.

‘Why, isn’t this a train station?’

‘It is & it’s also 2.30am’

‘But, I saw that film 2.40 ki last local’

‘That was 1.40 ki last local.’

‘Fuck me dead’

I just went red like a little girl.

‘Well, I’m here because I’m stupid. Why are you here?’ She asked like someone who wanted to know your story.

There was a pause. The air was pregnant. Before I could speak she broke the silence.

‘Your roommate has a chic over, hasn’t he?’

That really made me laugh – she was something. It was the truth too. But it was part of the truth.

‘Yes, true. But, I want to be here. Sometimes I don’t feel like going home.’

‘Why is that?’

Again I took too long to answer, so she went ahead answering her own question.

‘Did you have a heartbreak?’

‘I wish’

‘Who the fuck wishes to have a heart break?’

‘Those who can’t get anyone to love them in the first place.’ This time she took too long to reply as she was too busy looking at my eyes as I said what I did. I continued ‘My best friend puts it perfectly when he says – “You know why girls wear sunglasses – because their eyes burn when they look at you and if you put your life on sale on OLX – you will get half-a-wada-pao, if you’re lucky - ’  she burst out laughing at my touché. I’d give an arm to be able to laugh like her – laugh like the world belongs to me – like I’m Channing fucking Tatum. I know now & I knew it then, I, like an idiot, fell a tiny bit in love with her in that moment.

Thank god, she broke my Uday Chopra moment.

‘You’re not difficult to look at. And I will surely buy you for a damn good fried chicken burger & a beer – make that two.’ She had the imagination of a dolphin.

I continued self-deprecation ‘And he believes the only way girls will look at Tusshhaar Kapoor is if I was standing right next to him.’ She fell into another one of her laughing fit.

Finally when she mellowed, she said ‘Mira.’ I nodded.

‘Adil’

‘Ah….dil. I like it. I really like it’

‘Apart from the nomenclature mix-up, any other reason you’re at a train station at this hour.’ I asked.

The look in her eyes told me, like me, she too had another reason.

‘I was at a friend’s house party. I met this guy there and I really liked him. And damn he was really good at figuring out if a girl likes him. So, at the end of the party he asked if I wanted to drive around in his car. Oh my, I so wanted to, but I said, “I’m just gonna take the train home.”’

‘Whoa!’

‘Yep’ I waited for her to continue. ‘I backed off because he was – Flash.’

‘I don’t know what that means.’

‘You know the guy who will rock your night in bed & once the sun wakes up – you will never find him even if you were superwoman.’

‘How did you know he’d do that? You Baba or something?’

She smiled & said ‘That’s my thing. That’s my twisted seventh sense.’

We didn’t speak for few minutes & let the moment sink.

‘I’m super sleepy.’ She said.

‘You wanna go get a rick’

‘No, I wanna be here.’

I waited a few breaths and said ‘Do you mind if I also sleep here on the bench next to you.’

‘As long as you don’t cut-and-steal my beautiful hair in my sleep.’

She smiled infectiously. She fell into deep sleep within a minute. I slept soon after & I swear to devil, it was the sweetest sleep ever.