God was Murdered

 --- Nothing binds people like Alcohol - It is the most complete product of human civilization. Except for pregnancy (a.k.a stupidity) it suits all weathers of life - Sad, Horny, Happy, Suicidal, PMS, Screwed, Constipated, Bipolar or feeling awesome(ly) Sexy - Alcohol never fails you in any of these precious moments of life I hear tons of praise for cocaine & hash & how cool they're - but I'm not into snorting/smoking/injecting - I mean no disrespect to all the fuckers who do -- total respect from the bottom of my heart Karan & Me had become chaddi-buddies after the Bin Laden episode - The rare interview had brought the house down - The ratings of 'Koffee with Karan' had touched unprecedented heights - This brought Me & Karan closer {No! not in the sexual way} I was feeling depressed, Tanya had dumped me for a richer, balder, uglier, fatter guy {uncle}. I hadn't even cheated on her like I did with (all) my ex-girlfriends - I k

I am a cusp between Messi & Rooney – Messi not in mad skills but in midget height – Rooney not in machismo but in ugliness. Born with no deformities but a Gift – thought Xenophobia was a gift – hated doctors & nurses instantaneously – But soon realized I hated All Mankind with equal vengeance – A bloody Misanthrope – Futbal came to my rescue & became my soulmate - It was like Calvin & Hobbes – In spirit & uselessness – I was mind-blowingly pathetic in academics – had no friends – A fact misanthropic lunatic can’t complain but cherish – But the levels of my human phobia were so high that I turned a legendary almost gay; team sport like futbal into a narcissistic loner (Read: Loser). I played against a mute brick wall. I got married to a quadruple divorced rich lady - whom no one wanted to touch. We made love (Yikes) & had quadruplets (Karma) – I got bored & filed for divorce – I got it; as judge adjudged her to be boring at par with Dalai Lama.

Karan Johar duped me into going to Abbottabad , Pakistan - to Interview - The Certified Terrorist No. 1 - Osama Bin Laden. Interview happened on 23rd April 2011 {exactly 9 days before the United States Navy Seal killed & buried him at sea} --- Flashback 21st April 2011 After refusing my advances for over a year - Tanya finally agreed to go on a candle-lit dinner & dance date with me - I was on top of the moon & hoped soon to be - on top of her - fingers crossed - contraceptives stocked The horrible ringtone of my phone & the over-zealous voice on the other side of it thwarted my moment of pure lustful happiness. Karan: You wouldn't believe this - I've procured Osama's number & he's agreed to do an Interview with us - How crazy cool is that shit man Me: You're saying you pulled off something CIA & FBI couldn't in 10 years Karan: This is real man - real as the twin tower crash -- I got lucky I suppose - Me: