We Meet to Depart

It was the winter of 1997 - January I reckon. I was in Grade X. A friend whose name I no longer recall informed me ‘I won’t be coming back.’ He wasn’t going to return to boarding school after the board exams in March. He wasn’t a close friend, yet I felt a vacuum. This was the first occasion I had ever felt this uneasy feeling about someone disappearing forever. This was the first occasion I consciously thought I would be losing a human I had shared food, classroom & washroom with.

I recall sitting pensively on the academic block’s building’s pavement. Mr. Goel [our House Master & Maths teacher] noticed me. He came & sat next to me. He asked what was I reflecting so seriously about. 

I told him.

Then he said something I’ve never forgotten - mainly because life doesn’t let me.

‘We meet to depart.’

From that March of 1997 to March of 2018, people have met & left & they will continue to leave till it’s time for me to leave Earth. And this isn’t my story - this is the story of everyone’s life. Even the best ones leave. But, that shouldn’t make it - the time we shared with them - any less beautiful. And now I don’t want to burn a moment trying to control the inevitable.

Everyone leaves.

And I’m alright with that. 

I’ve learned to walk away & let people walk away.

In 2006 when I returned to India on holidays, I was really happy. My wedding date was already set. We were in spectacular love.

Then things changed.

It destroyed me. 

At one moment, I thought ‘That was it.’ 

But then something in me said to me ‘Life destroys everyone - but never let it defeat you.’

And I knew ‘That wasn’t it.’

As I lost her, I found writing. 

12 years & we’re thick as Siamese twins. We’re strong as mountains. We’re beautiful as first love.

I’ve met a lot of people over these years. I don’t like most of them. And some I like too much. And even some like me too much. But what Mr. Goel said 21 years ago ‘We meet to depart’ still holds true.

Nope. I ain’t going to worry about who leaves. I’m gonna live in the moment & I’m gonna make every split second count. I know I ain’t no bird. I know I can’t fly, but hell, I’m sure going to try. I know I will fall. But, I rather fall than be ‘too scared to fall.’

I’ve learned that most people have a predictable vision - happiness, family, success. I, an ordinary person, have an extra-ordinary vision. My vision says - happiness, family, success - are hollow pursuits. I want to try and fail at everything. I don’t want to be happy. I don’t want to live for my family. I don’t want to be successful. I want to wake up & question everything. I want to endeavor to have new experiences before I go to bed. I want to create something that hasn’t already been created. As I write this, I’m doing that. For all I know, this letter is an awful piece of writing. But, it’s original - it hasn’t followed any rules. This letter is a bird.

The purpose & voice that writing has given me has broken me free from the dogma of life. I live to create something - little something - everyday. And because I’m talentless and the only way I know to express is this - my writing. So I bleed. I pour my soul on paper. I don’t know any other way to do it.

I don’t know if I will be here tomorrow. I don’t know if you’ll be here tonight. But, I know we are here now. 

What’s stopping you from falling in love.

Love is a magical feeling. We can’t keep it in a shiny box & take it everywhere we go. If the love is real, it makes a home in our heart, and our heart travels with us everywhere. Even in hell.

Sometimes we try so hard to keep people we love from going away. We often succeed in keeping them with us, but love is a maverick - bodies stay, love flies away. 

And as long as we’re alive, we have to let our soul fly - let it fall - let it break its teeth. It will give you a story that will make you smile in the years to come. I’m walking and knitting stories. 

They say ‘Life’s a stage’ and everyone dies. 

There’s nothing to be afraid of. Absolutely nothing.