Sherlyn Chopra -- Koffee with Karan

Last 2 months of my life have been awful (to put it mildly). How so? Here's how:

1. My mom kicked me outta her house. Here's her kind parting words: "Don't you ever come back, loser"
2. NDTV 'clicked' me peeing on the convent girls school's side-wall & now I'm the poster boy of the program: 'Uncivilized Youth' and have come to be popularly known as: "The Bastard who pees on walls"
3. I'm jobless (since KJo doesn't need me to cover for him on 'Koffee with Karan' anymore, sucks) & I'm living with my schizophrenic grandmother (no one else wants me & hotels creep me out)
4. Even my not-so-hot-totally-religious-no-sex girlfriend broke up with me coz she made a deal with 'her' god to never see me again (A classic 'Jab Tak Hai Jaan' after-shock)
5. And the worst: I've been sued for sexual harrassment - no, not by some dumbass girl. I've been sued for sexual harrassment by a middle-aged, seriously obese man. Yes that's right. I've been sued by a gay. Implying I'm also gay. Frickin Hell!

My ancient (2009 Nokia) phone rings:
"Hey"
"Karan?" I asked
"Of course buddy, how you been"
"Awesome" I lied, blatantly
"I was really hoping you can do an interview for me"
That got me excited "Who"
"Sherlyn Chopra"
"Oh! the girl who thinks she derserves Bharat Ratna"
"That's the one bro"
"I'll do it" my life got a lifeline.
"Aren't you a darling"
"Hey! how come you aren't taking this one" I asked, just anxious
"My mom would't let me" he said. "She says: If I interviewed a porn star, she'll kick me out"
"But Sherlyn isn't a porn star"
"Try telling my mum that & she'll slap you silly" he said. "Hey! I hope your mother wouldn't freak out & kick you outta her house"
"Oh! no, she wouldn't, she's all modern & sooper cool" I said, again lying like a true bastard who pees on the walls.



3 Days later the time arrived. Sheryln came for the interview in a short dark purple dress. As she sat on the couch, she folded her legs like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct. I was too distracted to notice if she had come 'commando'.

"Hi Sherlyn"
"Hi, you're not Karan?" she said what sounded like a question
"I knew you were bright like the solar eclipse" I said glibly. She didn't get my terrible/condescending humor. "I'm filling in for Karan, he's in rehab after watching 'Student of the Year'"
She smiled, still looked confused. I continued. "So you've come a long way from being terrible singer to a terrific stripper" that didn't sound appropriate but she didn't seem to mind. I already liked her.
"It has been a really terrible & terrific journey over the past 7 years"
"I admire your perseverence & your attitude towards nudity - what does your family think about your image"
"Oh! they're OK with it now that I send them lakhs of rupees & imported gadgets"
"Every'body' sells" I said & grinned like an idiot. she smiled politely.
"You recently admitted to having sex for money"
"That's true"
"Did you say that for publicity or is it actually true?"
"Both"
I was relishing her candid crisp responses.
"Do other bollywood starlets, models exchange money for sex"
"Of course - that's the BSOP"
"BSOP???" I was confused
"Bollywood's Standard Operating Procedure"
"Wow" I was in awe. "And you believe you're eligible for Bharat Ratna"
"I'm"
"Why, even Sachin Tendulkar hasn't got one"
"Oh! everybody plays cricket" she shrugged. "I've done something no one else has - I've become the first Indian to be on Playboy cover"
"And you think that is bigger than Tendulkar's achivements over the past 23 years"
"Absolutely!" she said confidently. "Cricket is played in 10 countries - Playboy is read & enjoyed in over 200 countries" she asserted.
"Well, can't argue with that logic" I said throwing my arms in air. This girl was good.
"The grapevine states you've slept with Hugh Hefner"
"I haven't" she said what sounded like raw truth.
"Did he proposition you?"
"He didn't"
"Would you have done it had he asked?"
"I would've considered it" she said without hesitation.
"Your new movie is coming out: Kamasutra 3D. How much nudity does it have"
"All I would say is: you wouldn't be disappointed"
"Great! Even your arch rival Poonam Pandey's movie is coming out soon"
"Good for her but she isn't my arch-rival"
"Why"
"She's doing her thing & I'm doing mine"
"What about Sunny Leone, she's a renowned porn star, she's gotta be competition"
"She's already a star in bollywood too...but she also isn't my competition"
"So who do you consider your competition?" I asked & wondered.
"They say either everything is a miracle or nothing is ---- I think everything is a miracle & nothing is competition"
"Well said"
"Have you got any plastic surgery done"
"Alot....I mean alot" she gestured to her 'entire' body.
I thought for a while & decided to ask the big final question. It wasn't a nice question but I had to ask it. "Sherlyn, do you realise that whole India considers you no less than a prostitute"
"Well, who isn't?" she retorted with a straight face.
"Thank you Sherlyn, thank you for coming in" I concluded.
"Thank you for having me" she responded graciously.

As she was about to leave, she turned to me & said "Do you think I'm a prostitute"
I looked straight at her & said "India is filled to the brim with hypocrites & you're not one of them.....and prostitute...as you said...who isn't" she nodded & left. But something of her stayed with me.

What stayed with me was her belief in what she did. She had no inhibition - she wasn't scared - she was true. And she wasn't a hypocrite. How many of us can say that about ourselves.

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