Are You Truly a Writer?

You’re dead or you’re not. You’re in love or you’re not. You’re a writer or you’re not. You can like both frogs & dogs — romcoms & gore — rock & pop. But, Writing doesn’t work that way — it’s exclusive like Love & Death. 

The million pakistani-rupee question is — What makes you a writer? Every motherfucker can write a poem, a short story, a diary, a letter, a song, a blog. None of that makes you a writer. Not even writing a bestselling novel makes you a goddamn writer.

What the hell makes you a Writer?

When I was 13 [may be 14], I wrote a poem for my boarding school’s newsletter. It felt good when it got published on paper. I don’t recall writing anything else in high school. In college, I often scribbled & thought about writing a brilliant story or a film’s script. But I never wrote beyond 3 lines. At 22, I began reading a lot. The more I read, the more it became crystal to me that I can’t be a writer. One has got to be super smart, super disciplined, super hard-working & a super story-teller to be a writer. I was none of them. 

Nevertheless, I continued scribbling.

At 24, I got divorced days before my wedding [you don’t have to be married to feel deeply divorced]. I ran away to Ahmedabad, where no one knew me. One day, while the boys at my PG were at their Engineering School [Nirma University], I sat down on a Pentium II desktop & wrote a scene - I really liked it. It was the first time I ever felt like I could write. That scene made me believe. That scene changed the direction of my life.

Eventually, a year later, the scene evolved into a movie screenplay — Sangharsh. I came to Bombay to pitch that screenplay. I got to speak with a few bigshot producers, but couldn’t convince anyone to make it into a movie. I left Bombay & came to Delhi. In the winter of ’08-09’, I sat on the terrace of my mom’s home & turned that screenplay into a novel — Seven. I pitched the novel to all the publishers. Rupa [who published Chetan Bhagat’s Five Point Someone] liked it — but eventually decided not to publish it. In 2012, I began my blog. In 2013, I wrote my second novel — Footscray Boys & a Firefly. In 2019, I wrote my third novel — 143 Days of no Fucks given. In 2022-23, I’m all set to write my 4^th novel — 2084 - Satan is the New God. This letter/article is my 155^th on my blog, which will turn 10 years old on 5^th February 2022.

Most recently, I wrote a letter — hundred & forty-five pages. I’ve written 237-243 letters in my life, but this is the longest letter I’ve ever written. It wrote it for 45 — that’s her name — 45.

Cut to the chase, I’ve never directly made a buck from my writing in over 15.5 years. Instead of getting dispirited, I write almost every day. I write because nothing else makes sense & my life becomes meaningless when I don’t.

When did I become a Writer?

I didn’t become a writer when I wrote my first screenplay [Sangharsh]. I didn’t become a writer when I wrote my first novel [Seven]. I became a writer — when I began writing every day — when I started feeling out of breath on the days I didn’t write. I became a writer when I kept writing despite making zilch money, despite writing not making me famous or even likeable. 

Don’t call yourself a writer because you wrote a beautiful poem, an amazing story, a spectacular article, a surreal love letter. 

You’re a writer when every day, you dedicate time to this rare craft. When your soul levitates every time, you write. You’re a writer when you write bluntly & not to impress anyone or get famous or get laid or get published with Penguin. You’re a writer when you do it for no reason — when you write because you’re compelled to. You’re a writer when your heart is filled with stories that your mind is nagging you to rain on paper — on the universe of humans, birds & trees. 

Every time, you write, you gotta write with all your heart & all your balls.

Everytime you write, you gotta go all out to make it the best goddamn story ever. There will surely be better stories than what you just wrote, but you gotta write with the intent to write the best story ever. 

If what you're writing isn't making someone's hair bleed & soul shiver, then keep trying till it does.

 

Writing is deceptive like Cricket. Both seem Gentlemanly, but in truth, both take big balls & tremendous hard-work to nail.

Writing is an art that takes at least a ‘decade or 1000 days’ of writing to sharpen. And even if you’re a writer with years of brilliant literature under your name, you will still fuck up your next story, novel, letter, poem, song, screenplay if you don’t match the effort & imagination you had put in earlier to create brilliant literature. 

To be a true writer has nothing to do with the success of your writing or even what the majority of readers think of your writing. It has everything to do with how much you love writing & how much time you invest in making it beautiful & original — almost every day.

We, humans, bullshit everyone everyday, but the least we can do is not bullshit ourselves. Don’t go labelling yourself something unless you’ve put in years of hard yards. Even after 1.5 decades of relentless writing, I prefer not to say “I’m a writer” — Instead, I rather say “I write.” It rings more true & less pompous to me.

Finally — Is Writing glamorous?

Eventual outcome can sure be, at times, surreal. But the process of writing isn’t glamorous. It’s disciplined drudgery.

P.S. I wrote this letter on 26^th January 2022. It’s my dad’s birthday. He’s dead. I want to take this moment to say to him — “Papa. You’re missed.”