Roger Federer — GOAT is Dead!

Summer 1989 — I fell in love with Gabriela goddess Sabatini. It’s really gotta be a criminal offence to be that killer of a tennis player with looks that can give 99-year-old Pope a hard-on.

July 6^th, 1991 — first heartbreak

Steffi Graf beat Gabriela Sabatini 6-4, 3-6, 8-6 to win the greatest tennis grand slam — Wimbledon.

July 7^th, 1991 — lightning quick rebound love — Michael Stich

Michael Stich beat Boris Becker — 6–4, 7–6, 6–4 to win Wimbledon.

Over the next decade [1991-2000], when billion desis were exclusively married to Tendulkar, I was slutting harder than Drãupadi —— Sabätini, Stiḉh, Séles, Agāssi, Ivanišević, Kournikõvå, Bȇcker — one date for each day of the week & pretty unabashedly bi-sexual.

As the 20^th century died, 7-time Wimbledon Champions — Steffi Graf & Pete Sampras’ dominance died too.

This made me super happy as Sampras was a bore with the personality of a virgin vatican nun & Graf achieved greatness because Günter motherfuckin Pārche [Graf’s psychotic fan] stabbed the fuck outta 19-year-old World No. 1 & already an 8-time Grand Slam champion Monica Seles mid-match in 1993. When Seles returned to tennis two years later, she was never the same player. 

Beginning of 21^st century blooded young bloods — Williams Sisters & Lleyton Hewitt. I couldn’t give a flying fuck about the Asshole Sisters, but I fell in love with Hewitt after he won the US Open [2001] & Wimbledon [2002]. Hewitt finished both 2001 & 2002 as the World no. 1.

23^rd June 2003 — Day 1 — Wimbledon [London, England]

The unimaginable happened — World no.1 & defending champion Lleyton Hewitt lost in the 1^st round to Ivo 7-feet Karlovic.

I missed Hewitt so terribly that I didn’t watch any more tennis for a week. When I came out of my tennis menopause, the quarter finals were about to begin. Every motherfucker was talking about this bloke — Roger Federer.

Federer had been in the news two years earlier after beating the 7-time Wimbledon champion Pete Sampras in the 4^th round of Wimbledon 2001, but then lost in the next round in straight sets to Tim Henman & then crashed out in straight sets in Round 1 of Wimbledon 2002, so he was labelled a lazy, wasted talent who will never win a Grand Slam.

Federer, 22, was back from the dead & making everyone his bitch. He schooled Schalken in the quarters & Roddick in the semi-finals.

July 6^th, 2003 — Wimbledon Final — Roger Federer vs. Mark Philippoussis

I’m in 2^nd year college — living on-campus at Monash University, Clayton, Melbourne. It’s already bloody late in Melbourne due to the 9-hour time difference. But the whole of Australia is wide-awake at midnight as Philippoussis is Aussie. Federer is red-hot, but Philippoussis is red-hot too & has beaten Federer recently.

I scoot my ass to the 4^th floor Loft, which has a kitchen & common room with a TV. I make a few grilled sandwiches: my match snacks. Grand Final begins — Federer & Philippoussis throw the kitchen sink at each other. Federer wins the 1^st set in tie-breaker. And then steamrolls Philippoussis 6-2 in the 2^nd set. Third set goes to a tie-breaker. Federer outclasses Philippoussis in the tie-breaker [7-3] & wins Wimbledon — his first Grand Slam.

As I slowly walk down the stairs to my room on the ground floor, I’ve an epic epiphany. Though I love Hewitt, who has been the World's no.1 player for the last two years & won two grand slams, I can’t even imagine Hewitt to ever play like Federer was playing tonight. But then Federer has also lost in the first round of 3 of his last 5 grand slams. Perspective, Gav. Don’t get carried away. This Swiss Cow will soon be back his ilk — lazy & wasted talent.

Next up is the 4^th & final Grand Slam of the year — US Open. Federer crashes out in 4^th round. Roddick wins the US Open & ends 2003 as World No.1 —— Fuck you, Federer ;)

2004 begins with Australian Open. It’s Federer vs. Hewitt in the 4^th round. Hewitt wins the 1^st set 6-4, but Federer smashes Hewitt in the next 3 sets to win 4-6, 6-3, 6-0, 6-4. Federer goes on to win the Australian Open. After losing in the 3^rd round of French Open, he again wins Wimbledon beating Roddick in the final. It was in the US Open final where he showed his true class to massacre Hewitt —who had not lost a single set on his way to the final— 6-0, 7-6, 6-0

This was Federer’s 4^th Grand Slam, but Sampras’ all-time record of 14 Grand Slams was still million millennials too far.

In 2009, Federer won his 6^th Wimbledon & 15^th Grand Slam & broke Sampras’ record of 14 Slams. From a wasted talent in 2003 to the greatest player in the history in 2009. Federer’s fireworks did slow down after his 16^th Grand Slam — Australian Open in 2010. He had to wait 2.5 years & 10 Grand Slams [in between Nadal won 5 & Djokovic won 4] to win his 17^th Grand Slam & 7^th Wimbledon in 2012. Then injuries & age began to pee all over his party. 

After 2012’s Wimbledon triumph, Federer won zero Grand Slams till the end of 2016. During that time — Djokovic & Nadal became the Next Big Rivalry. By 2016, Federer [17 Grand Slams] was challenged bigtime by Nadal [14] & Djokovic [12]. Federer was now 35 — Nadal was still 29 & Djokovic 28. Federer’s Grand Slam winning days were finished. That's when Federer rolled the clock back in 2017-18. He won 3 out of the next 5 Slams to make it 20 Slams against Nadal’s 16 & Djokovic’s 14.

Australian Open 2018 was Federer’s last ever Slam. As Federer retires from Tennis in 2022, both Nadal [22] & Djokovic [21] have overtaken his tally of 20 Grand Slam titles. And it’s reasonable to predict that both Nadal & Djokovic are likely to finish at around 25 Grand Slams.

Does that mean —Nadal & Djokovic— are the Greatest?

For me, Brian Lara was the greatest goddamn batsman ever — like Federer, he was poetry in motion — his batting gave me orgasms. But Tendulkar has million more runs & centuries than Lara & every batsman ever. Yet, billions will debate that AB De Villiers, Viv Richards, Don Bradman, Garfield Sobers were even greater than Lara & Tendulkar.

LeBron James broke Jordan’s overall points scored record in NBA. In fact, Jordan is 5^th on the overall list. But if you Google the —Greatest Sportsperson of All Time— Michael Jordan tops every darn list. And on every list, Federer is always picked as the best Tennis player ever.

Tennis was my first love — it hasn’t been the love of my life for the longest time [football has], & I haven’t watched it extensively, but I’ve always watched it intensely for 33 years.

Here’s my 23 cents on why I reckon Federer is the GOAT.

Like Messi, Jordan, Lara — Roger Federer brought to the court something that was beyond Tennis, even beyond sporting Genius. He transcended the experience of Tennis from a battle of will-&-skill to an inter-terrestrial adventure where he flew us mere mortals to galaxies we didn’t know existed, made us feel emotions we didn’t know we were capable of feeling.

Tonight, Federer plays his last ever competitive Tennis match — it feels like the death of an old girlfriend that I loved to death. 

I will wrap this love letter with this crisp-&-candid feeling

— Had Federer never played Tennis, the world would have missed out on a beautiful miracle —

Goodbye, GOAT.