—✮☆— In Cold Blood is NOT a True Story —✮☆—

I loved my girlfriend till I choked her! Now the betch is dead — Not a True story.

In Cold Blood — Not a True story either.

Hats & Pants off, Sir Truman Capote for writing this book that I loved & made love to. 

Fuck you, Sir Truman Capote for selling this book as a True story.

True that — On November 15th, 1959, Perry Edward Smith [Perry] & Richard Eugene Hickock [Dick] killed — Herb, Bonnie, Kenyon & Nancy Clutter.

But that’s where the Truth rests in peace & Truman’s imagination & artistry are born.

In Cold Blood is based on a True Story, written to give lusty readers orgasms & make Truman an overnight millionaire & superstar author.

I hate the Rich — most rich betches got poor betches’ blood on their bums & breasts.

I love Truman. He got rich on Clutters’ bloody graves. But his was a victimless crime.

All the crisp, movie-like dialogue, bone-chilling scenes & philosophical/flawed/poetic/sociopathic characters he created were certainly a far cry from the truth, but did you want Truman to stick to cold truth?

The thing about cold truth is, it’s unlikeable, unexciting, unbearable, & unsellable.

Truman picked up an ‘open & shut’ case & turned it into more lipsmakingly delicious than Kennedy assasination & O.J. Simpson Murder Trial of the Century.

Yes, the murders are real [& charming] like Jew genocide, but all the dialogue is obviously polished, perfected and invented to make it seductive. Truman often not only invented dialogue, he dreamed up entire scenes & situations that never ever happened.

But any muttonheads who reckon Truman is evil to get rich dancing on the graves of 4 dead Clutters then they’re just virtue-signalling Jealous Jolenes.

Truman spent six sweet years creating this blockbuster novel. Six sweet years! Now, we all want to get our knickers in a twist because he made up a few things that never happened. 

Didn’t Hindus invent million Gods? 

Didn’t America invent Moon landing? 

Didn’t Christians invent Jesus? 

Didn’t Jews invent Holocaust? Ha!

I will stick my hands in my pants & swear that I loved the book even if it was less non-fiction & more pulp-fiction.

5 Things I Loved About In Cold Blood

Addictive as Cocaine: I got so hooked to the book that I took it everywhere — showers, stripclubs, marathons, late-night drunk drives. I almost ran over a chubby old lady as I jumped the Red light [she really came outta nowhere, bro]. Had I been caught, arrested, & imprisoned for running over the chubby old lady, I sure would’ve taken the book with me to Tihar jail too.

Murder ain’t Bad: Truman’s empathetic attitude towards the cold-blooded murderers — Dick & Perry — is Nobel Peace Prize-worthy. He inspires you to murder anyone you dislike/like without feeling an iota of regret or shame as long as you’ve a solid sob story — raised in poverty, townwhore mom, dickhead dad, bullied at school — in short, everyone treated you like trash. If this sounds like your life story, Truman gives you a license to murder at will. It’s a shame Truman never wrote Hitler’s biography. He would’ve made Hitler come across as more chocolaty & sweeter than Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi!

Tarantinoesque Dialogue: As most of the dialogue is manufactured by Truman, he has gone all out to make the 15-year-old Mexican whores & illiterate murderers sound more poetic than William Shakespeare.

Here are three of my favorite punchlines:

Perry — “Mr. Clutter was a very nice gentleman. Soft-spoken. Kind-hearted. I didn’t want to harm the man. I thought so right up to the moment that I slit that basterd’s throat.”

Dick — “Oh! I totally believe in hanging. Just so long as I’m not the one being hanged.”

Mr Herb Clutter — “Nothing tastes yummier than dead babies.”

Perception is the New Truth: The best bit about the book is how it is Perceived worldwide: A Journalistic Masterpiece.  

Every reader knows from the onset that Perry & Dick are the murderers & they will be caught. This doesn’t dampen the book-reading experience one bit.

Truman’s motive for writing the book wasn’t to be glued to facts.

Truman’s motive was to keep his readers glued to the goddamn book.

And boy, did Truman achieve his motive & then some.

In Cold Blood didn’t just change Truman’s life, it also set the Gold Standard for the next generation of True Crime thrillers.

Holy Fucking Truth: I’m a writer — In Cold Blood inspired me to write my next book: Aarushi Talwar | The Holy Fucking Truth — and not worry one bit about sticking to facts. Simply ensure that the book has at least 7 elements that are more click-baity, controversial, immoral than Roman orgies, more provocative than abortion in Texas, &  most of all — sexually arousing for pedophiles & Catholic priests.

Last Two Questions

What’s the difference between fiction & non-fiction?

Fiction is a lot more closer to Truth than non-fiction will ever be.

What’s the difference between dying naturally & getting murdered?

People remember you a lot more fondly if you’re murdered! And if you’re murdered young, all the more love for you, bitch!

P.S. Mr Clutter never said, “Nothing tastes yummier than dead babies.”

And You thought only Truman Capote can make up stuff? Ha!