In Death hides Immortality

“The trouble isn’t not knowing what you want to be. The trouble is becoming someone you never wanted to be.” I scribbled that when I was seven years old. From that age on I knew, for dead certain, I wanted to be a killer. The trouble was I was born without any hands or legs. I was born into money so they got me prosthetics. But prosthetics are no good when you want to be a killer.

If life shuts one door, it opens another. If it doesn’t, then break it open. That’s exactly what I did.

Before I turned nine, I was already stealing information without moving an inch. The keys on my laptop fell in love with the metal in my fingers. I wanted to steal from people who were so powerful that they can get you killed with the click of a button. The fear of death became my cocaine. I cut down my sleep time by half. Nights are the time for people like me. When everyone sleeps, I come alive. And I steal the unstealable.

Now, almost two decades later, I’ve painstakingly become the bastard hacker all the big shots want dead. They just don’t know how to find me. And no one suspects an unlucky cripple with an affable smile.

I relentlessly steal information from the most impenetrable - the CIA, FBI, Interpol, the Swiss, NASA, the Russians & the Saudis like I was shoplifting at the local supermarket.

Who the hell am I? Why am I stealing all this information? And why did I want to be a killer?

I’ll tell you when I’m ready.  

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Shalini was born in 1984, New Delhi, India. When she was 17 days & few hours old, she lost her parents. Her parents had hid a Sikh family as the 84’s ugly ‘Kill Sikh-at-Sight’ riots broke out after the assassination of India’s then Prime Minister, Indira Gandhi, by her Sikh bodyguards.

Rioters broke in & killed her parents too. Shalini’s distant relative who lived in Melbourne, Australia was visiting India at that time. She spontaneously decided to adopt Shalini & took her to Melbourne with her. Shalini was 23 days old when she arrived in Melbourne. She didn’t know her surname & her distant relative never reminded her; she felt it may sadden her or bring back harrowing memories.

Shalini grew up without a surname. She thought it was liberating. She turned out to be a precocious child. She was an ace student, champion athlete & mastered public speaking. Shalini finished 12^th grade with the best score in her High School’s history & she was just 15. She had skipped 2 grades as the teachers thought she was too smart & it made the other kids feel inferior. Monash University didn’t enroll anyone under 16 in a degree program. She decided to wait & enrolled in Tae kwon do - The Korean Martial Art & T’ai Chi - The Chinese Martial Art. She aced both art forms & luckily didn’t kill anyone during her course. She was 16 ½ & almost got enrolled in a degree in Medicine but a late night party with college students made her realize how drugs were an integral part of college culture & youth. Three days later, she enrolled in a degree majoring in Narcotics. She took a silent vow to eliminate drugs. She did additional research, wrote a thesis & scored the best grade in her class - déjà vu. But her dreams were to disappear in thin air before she could even realize what had hit her.

Shalini & Sanjay fell madly in love within a week of their association. They got engaged within 4 weeks & got married as soon as the final semester exams were over. Their wedding was a spectacle. Whoever had the honor to attend their wedding will never forget - The Wedding -. Sanjay held Shalini’s hand through the wedding day; they were like grass & soil. Made for each other.

Sanjay Mathur took complete control of the colossal family business. His parents moved to Gold Coast to spend the rest of their lives. Sanjay & Shalini had the Palace to themselves. They couldn’t have asked for anything better. Sanjay wanted her to be home when he comes back from work each day & give him as many kids as she can. Shalini placed her personal dreams on the backburner & did as Sanjay wanted. She loved him. This was the story in 2004.

The story in 2005 was radically different. Shalini tested infertile, Sanjay turned hostile. Business made loss for the first occasion in 3 decades. Sanjay blamed it on Shalini. He told her she was cursed. Sanjay started staying out late & drank heavily. It was less than one year since they had tied the knot & the knot was tightening around Shalini’s neck, strangling her. Things got worse & Sanjay started to physically assault her & treated her like a war prisoner. Shalini’s life was confined in the walls of the Palace, the palace felt like a bloodthirsty vulture. Her life had become a torment; it had taken a U turn from a glorious saga to a harrowing tale.

It was 02:05am on the morning of 23^rd December 2005. Shalini Mathur, Yes! The blank in her name had been filled & her life had become empty. She sat on the windowsill, looking into the dark skies through the lattice. Those dark skies were to convert into morning bliss in a matter of hours. But that couldn’t be said about her life. Her dark clouds were here to stay. They had come uninvited & ever since, had shown no desire to depart, she wished she could – Depart.

Her silhouette fell on the floor, it was a surprise that it did, as her soul was long dead, her body stayed back to suffer silently. Her face resembled the satellite picture of a recently bombed piece of land.

The doors opened with a jerk, a shadow preceded a man - and then the man came to the fore. Sanjay Mathur struggled to move steadily, but managed not to fall. A blind man would have been convinced that Sanjay was highly intoxicated if not drugged.

Shalini’s torn face didn’t get any further glum. There was a conspicuous feeling that this was routine. She quickly got off the sill & narrowed their physical proximity, but didn’t try to assist a stumbling Sanjay.

‘Should I lay out the dinner for you’ Shalini said in a voice of a person suffering from low blood pressure.

‘For me huh!’ Sanjay remarked in a dismissive tone. ‘What are you gonna give me – What have you ever given me – you couldn’t even give me a child’ Sanjay said menacingly. Shalini’s state got even worse. She felt sharp knives running through her body. She was bleeding - she had been bleeding for long.

‘What are you looking at huh? Take your clothes off & do the only thing you’re good at’ Sanjay said as if she was filth.

‘I’m fasting, I can’t do it – today’ Shalini said pleadingly.

Sanjay stared at her vexed; his eyes grew bigger - quickly filled with fury. He pulled out a syringe, injected himself, dumped the syringe in the corner & lunged at her. He grabbed her hair, slapped her uncontrollably & pushed her down onto the floor. He kicked all around her body, but found it hard to remain steady. Surprisingly & not surprisingly Shalini didn’t defend herself. She took the beating like an inanimate object. He fell on the bed & instantaneously fell asleep. 

Shalini lay embracing the floor, it was inanimate too - it was her friend. The air was gloomy; she was trapped in imperious depression. She didn’t react to the barbarity as if she didn’t feel it, like she had no fight left in her, like she had signed a declaration that read – I accept Defeat – I accept Death.

She exhaled a breath, she was alive, the breath knocked her hair on its way - they moved a tad. She heard a voice - the voice had no sound yet it was resounding. It was her voice; it was a message from within.

‘You had dreams larger than the distant stars, you had hopes, you were a superstar, you wanted to conquer the world, you had it in you, you were born to be great’ the inner voice said.

‘If she’s the future, I can sleep at night in serenity & hope to wake up in a world more beautiful than the one I had slept in’ Melissa Metcalf had remarked. Ms. Metcalf was her lecturer at Monash University.

Shalini saw vivid images of the days when she would shake the judge’s desk with her thunderous speeches in the debate competitions.

She won the - Star of the School Trophy - on five straight occasions. A record still untouched at St. Peter’s Academy in East Melbourne.

She was a star bigger than the trophies she lifted; words don’t do justice to her talent & effort. Even her adversaries respected her & she always had the blessings from above.

All those moments of greatness flashed in front of her sullen eyes. She was like a beautiful flower that was crushed before it blossomed. The reality tortured her & reminded her yet again what her life had become. A dead body - a shattered soul, still dying each moment - hope had disappeared long ago - future was scarier. Once the future of the world - the star - the prodigy – Shalini was a wreck today - what a waste.

‘Suicide is for the weak, that’s not you, you’re broken but you aren’t finished, you’ve been cornered but you still ain’t defeated’ a resonant inner voice said.

‘What’s it gonna be – A meek surrender, mope all your lifeless life, take all the insults hurled at you, live in torment yearning for a better time which will never come. What’s it gonna be’ that was the big question. Did she have the answer?

Her body moved; she tried to stand up using all her strength. She was back on her feet, her face was aghast. She turned her head toward a cabinet adjacent to the bed. She walked up to it & opened the second drawer & pulled out an 8 round pistol. She walked to the wall, turned around to face the bed; her hands clutched the trigger. She raised her arms & took aim at the sleeping devil.

Murder – she will go to jail – A definite life sentence. Did it really matter? Could it get any worse for her? She was already dead & this was her only chance. She stood on the verge of change.

There was anticipation – There was conspicuous fear – There was a tremble – An electrifying sensation raced through her body – but above all, a feeling of liberation awaited her, just a bullet away – that feeling outdid the rest of the emotions.

She gripped the gun with solid grit – exhaled deep & held her breath; she wanted the next breath to be of freedom. Sanjay slept on the bed without a damn – A loud sound came & went – blood poured from the side of the bed – Sanjay was never to wake up again. A forgettable chapter was closed – Another took birth.

The gun dropped on the floor making a clatter. Her feet started to run, not from law, they ran toward freedom. Shalini kept running, crossing the road thinking who is going to be driving at this hour. She was wrong. Her life came to a stop forever. Almost.

She’d have died instantly had I not been rich. It’s good to be rich you see. Porsche Boxster has killer brakes.

You must be slapping yourself silly thinking who the hell am I? Well, you’re about to find out.

People like Shalini are too great to fall in love, get married, have kids & live happily ever after. But, we, human beings learn the best from our mistakes. So, I let her make those mistakes.

On that revolutionary night, she needed someone to save her from the gallows. But, what she really needed was a purpose. That’s where I come in.

I took her home. Changed the way she looked. New crisp short brown hair, new eyes with dark gray lenses & thin wayfarer spectacles, solid tan, spectacular swagger, new passport, drivers’ license, education documents, new history, new name and a future to live & kill for.

People might say it was destiny for her to run into me that night. They’re wrong.

I had finally found the person I had been looking for for more than a decade. Wrong again. I always knew she was the person. She wasn’t ready then. We grew up together, went to the same school, same music lessons & watched the same crappy movies.

She became the muscle, and I, the brain of the mission.

The first person I got her to kill was my father. That’s right. He totally earned it. He had been persecuting my mother for over two decades. But that’s not why I got him killed. I got him killed because he was a human trafficking tycoon. He sold young girls across the border for prostitution.

When I was seven years old I first witnessed him physically assaulting & then killing a nine year old girl to set an example for others who tried to escape. He stabbed her in the neck with his Italian knife.

I stole that knife from his room that night & kept it with me for 13 years. That is the knife I wanted him to be killed with. She made my dream come alive.

I remember looking at her from the transparent glass wall. She sat in the Starbucks cafe, sipping her coffee and staring out of the window. The blood stained knife lay next to her handbag, covered with her blue silk scarf. She was calm like a goddamn hermit. In that moment I knew I was right about her. She was the one. I was born to steal, she was born to kill.

           

Since she killed my father, we have eliminated 187 monsters, in 17 different countries, in the last nine years. I’m a stickler for recordkeeping.

Our next target isn’t some ordinary monster. He is the man who changed the world after crashing two planes into those two buildings on that brilliant morning in 2001.

I know what you’re thinking. Isn’t he already dead? Or is he?

They tell you what they want to tell you. You know what they tell you. But what you really know is rarely the truth.

Like Steve Jobs & Mark Zuckerberg, I’m about the change the world, with a computer & a gun.

Because I can.