Introspection will Kill You

One of my favorite verses from Anna Nalick’s marvelous song ‘Breathe’ is

“2 am, and I'm still awake, writing a song.

If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer

Inside of me, threatening the life, it belongs to

And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd.”

Introspecting & then penning down all her inner thoughts on paper, Anna should’ve felt a liberating cathartic sensation, yet she felt like she’s naked in front of the crowd.

Let’s go off on a tangent. A recent reliable survey by Tasha Eurich’s [organizational psychologist] team showcased that the people who introspected became far more ‘unhappy & depressed’ than those who lived in ignorance. And the more they introspected, the more they become melancholy as fuck.

Hey! Hey! Hey! - What the hell is going on here? I thought introspection, like making love & eating Swiss chocolates, is a damn good thing for our mind, body, souls & toes.

After meticulous research [all while staring at the asshole squirrel on the ceiling of my room for hours on end], I realized that the outcomes of Introspection depend heavily on its timing.

17 is a great age to begin Introspection. 37, well, not so.

Let me explain via dumbed-down examples. That’s the only way we understand anything in 2019.

What are the most important things in life - Well, for the brooding philosophers it’s likely to be Hash & for the Gen-Z, it’s likely to be affordable pseudo designer clothes [stitched by kids in Bangladesh] & Instagrammable-BDSM. Barring those genius cults, we can agree that the five most important aspects in life are [not in exact order]

1. Love/Making Love

2. Career/Money

3. Family/Friends

4. True Freedom/Purpose

5. Creative/Psychological Fulfillment

If a 17-year-old bloke begins introspecting these five fundamental spheres of his life and has the following realizations:

1. Love/Making Love: A. He's with the wrong girl. B. Not sure. C. He’s with the right person

2. Career/Money: A. Clueless as a bipolar monkey/Trump. B. Somewhat sure. C. Certain as a Nazi Feminist

3. Family/Friends: A. Has two awesome friends & family is close. B. No real friends, family equation is messy & loves suicide memes/vines

4. True Freedom/Purpose: A. Usually doesn’t have to ask his family for permission for most of the things. B. His mom decides the color of his boxers/briefs & girlfriend’s name & hairstyle

5. Creative/Psychological Fulfillment: A. Is involved in multiple realms & is exploring his sporting & artistic abilities. B. Masturbates for hours over the pictures of his cousin [she’s in Grade 7] while eating sandwiches made out of sour-dough bread filled with magic mushrooms.

If the results of Introspection are not as desired, the 17-year-old lad can decide to get a grip on his life/actions & make changes - gradually but surely.

Let’s assume the same results are for a 37-year-old man.

Now if he’s with the wrong girl at 37, he’s likely to be married already to that wrong girl - he is, to be dead honest, fucked for life. Of course, he can divorce & restart. But that ain’t as easy as it would’ve been for the 17-year-old dude who just has to Insta-text his babe “We’re through, babes. Time to fuck someone else.”

37-year-old lad already has two kids with his babe, who’s fat-&-pesky as a rhino & perhaps jobless. She will take half of his money. And what about the kids?

Realistically, it’s a dead-end situation - a hungry man-eater cheetah ready to pounce & feast on him on either end.

His predicament applies to all the five fundamental spheres of his life [let’s not even start with him masturbating over his Grade 7 cousin while devouring the magic mushroom sandwiches]. There’s no escape from depression that will eventually kill him & instantly make his widow super rich.

Let’s explore more into the 'runaway damage' Introspection can cause in even the simplest decisions if the timing is off.

If you’re a boy, 19 and a girl, 17, totally has the hots for you & then you two bang till the bed, floor & ceiling give up. You wake up feeling like a million dollars as she sleeps like a beautiful angel next to you. And then you begin to introspect. Damn, you realize you’re legally screwed. The door opens, her father is staring at you with raw hate. He wants retribution; he files a case against you, and you go to prison [7 years] for statutory rape as the girl under the new Legislation isn’t old enough [minimum age of consent: 18] to give consent for bed-breaking sex.

The boy is fucked now because he should’ve introspected before making mad love to the 17-year-old lass.

And why talk about other morons, let’s talk about the moron who’s writing this: Me

I’m, what I call a true 100% pure non-vegetarian. I will eat anything. The vicious part is that I’m bloody proud that I don’t shy from eating chicken, pork, beef, pigeon or kangaroo. And I know darn well that I’m a criminal [PETA Animal Cruelty], but I still continue to, shamelessly, eat meat. I know, eventually, I will go totally vegan, but for now, even though I introspect quite often, my DNA is too stubborn to give up meat instantly.

When girls growing up are brainwashed by their parents, who are no good at raising children than a caucasian crocodile with cocaine addiction, that they must be demure, get back home by a certain time, wear certain clothes, and stay away from sex till they [family] have burned millions of rupees on a flashy wedding. All of the above is absolute hogwash & I’ve already written extensively about the infinite levels of stupidity our parents pass on to us. But what’s the point of introspecting when she's 37; she will just realize that she should’ve worn that dance-floor-burning dress, said what her heart felt, stayed out late to have amazing experiences, kissed that weirdly magically boy, never married that malfunctioning-in-bed software engineer with zero romantic quotient and never had that kid, who is sooner-than-later likely to become a Gold molester member of the #MeToo club.

Most people believe in the Greatest SuperHero: God, because humans don’t truly begin introspecting till they turn 13 and science says most of our beliefs are established by the time we’re 8. Even when there’s a ridiculous amount of evidence that God is Fictional like Shaktimaan, people love him & kill for him. At least no one kills in the name of Shaktimaan. Ha!

Unless we’re corrupted beyond repair, humans can still re-invent their hearts & go the Secular way. But that’s easy to say, impossible to follow when the Bible, Torah, Gita, the Quran promise to give you all the answers.

You gotta introspect before sleeping with your best friend’s wife, not after. Because even before the 'after-introspection' kills you slowly, your best friend might stab you all the way to heaven, superfast.

And if you’re planning to take the plunge to become a nun but get all wet listening to Adam Levine or P!nk, then you better introspect & drop-out before you get all weak in the knees at the sight of the young priest in your holy church.

P.S. Like everything else, Introspection is also for the young.