Skyler — Letter 5 of 7 — Are You a Feminist? I’m not.

The writer is 21, a girl. Skyler looks at sleeping birds. She’s missing one of her molar teeth.

“How the fuck can you not be a feminist, Skyler?” Water yelled at me as we were walking out of Adil’s house a little before 7am — 27 days ago. 

“Cigarette?” I asked

“Do it”

I lit up a slightly bent cigarette for her & we sat down on the pavement with the pigeons. I sat sipping on coffee out of the bronze porcelain cup I had taken from the kitchen.

Adil had thrown a party as his dad —his mom died in a plane crash when he was 9— was out of town with Scarlet — the girlfriend. A little after 3am, Zara said “All the feminists, raise your hands & take a tequila shot.” Everyone but Virat & I did. Everyone knew Virat wouldn’t. He’s a nihilist. My non-conformity surprised the 9 feminists more than I had imagined it would.

“Do it”

I lit up another stick for Water, my oldest friend in the world. We first met in 3rd Grade when we’re 7. We shared lunch boxes, shirts, skirts & we both had uncombed hair in school.

Water took a drag as she put her head in my lap. She closed her eyes but kept smoking. 

“Letter?”
“Do it”

A little before 10 at night, I sat down & began writing to Water.

“I wrote my first letter to you when I was 10 or 11. In the last 10 or 11 years, I’ve written about 245-275 letters. I’ve written to you 27 times. No one you & I know has ever written more than 10 letters & most of our generation hasn’t even written a letter ever. When I say to people that ‘I’m a letter writer’ — I know I’m not a phony, I’m the real deal. 

I can’t say that about being a feminist. I’ve attended 3 rallies — all with you, burned a bunch of candles in a rape protest — liked & followed hundreds of activism posts & movements on Instagram. If I were to call myself a feminist on that tiny body of effort, I would be a con artist. And I reckon that’s the mess with modern feminism — most girls & boys who claim to be feminists are not feminists — they’re phonies.

A boy can’t call herself a doctor the moment he walks into her first college lecture of his doctorate degree. I don’t know exactly but I reckon it takes something crazy like 10 years before she gets to call himself a doctor. If anyone who attends few rallies & likes Instagram movements calls herself a feminist, the whole movement gets diluted, loses its authenticity and fails to make any lasting impact on the real world.

And this modern feminism confuses me more than high school calculus. Till I truly put a real effort to understand what I, as a feminist, am fighting for & then commit to those causes for real, I shouldn’t even think of calling myself a feminist. I should keep my hands down with Virat even though we both know he’s a total nutcase.

I don’t want to say I’m a feminist because it makes me socially acceptable. I don’t want to fight for things I don’t understand or believe in. I don’t want to fight against micro-aggressions or what people’s opinions are or politically correctness. I don’t want to protest when someone disrespects the rainbow flag or calls LGBTQiA+ movement trash. I really don’t. I’m not saying that those things don’t matter — I’m saying that they’re not the most pressing issues & I really don’t care if some troll calls me a ‘3-sent slut’ on Instagram — the fucker can’t even spell cent. Water, our time is short. We’ve to put it into fighting real causes not words. 

P.S. Sorry to go all Aristotle on you.

We, as girls, as women, are too often concerned about our fleeting emotions & what people think of us. We like to be nice & we like validation. We have to let go of all that & go all out to do what we have to do — no matter if we get appreciation or validation or love. We can’t always be nice — we can always be kind though & we have to know the difference. 

We have to be tough — the world will not change because we yell our hearts out the whole night. Nobody cares. Change only comes when we make change happen by decades of effort, not by asking. If we want to see more girls as doctors, CEOs, chefs, politicians, scientists, soldiers then we gotta save our shouts & put those energies into working towards starting a business, studying political science, enlisting in military & be ready to come home late or not come home at all for days &, at times, be ready to let go of the dreams of having children or family to carve the path for the next lot of women, next lot of humans. 

We need less shouting, less asking, more doing, more becoming what we want the world to become. 

And before we extend our hands to take what’s rightfully ours, we must first give up all the privileges we don’t deserve. Till we, as young women, keep sitting on those “reserved for women” seats in trains, till we keep “drinking those free drinks” at Ladies Night, till we keep leaving those horrible jobs like cleaning sewers for men, till we don’t enlist in the army, till we keep caring for our emotions more than what really matters, we need to hold back & not try to punch [like you tried last night] people like Virat even when he says ridiculously offensive words like — 

“Modern feminists are obnoxious beggars. If you don’t give them everything they want, they bark at you & label you a pig. Except, I rather be a pig every day of my life, than be a feminist even for a fucking day.”

We’ve to shift our energies & focus from micro-aggressions or what men perceive of us and fight for real things — for those 100s of millions of women living in villages — they don’t care about micro-aggressions or what somebody said to some girl on Instagram — we have to realize that Instagram is not real — suffering is. The endless problems 275 million women face in India are real as this endless pandemic. They have no right over their minds, bodies or even simple everyday decisions. They have little or no education or not even a right to voice their simplest opinions. They live their entire life working, making babies or doing things that made-up tradition or a man asked them to do.

Men aren’t going to give up their privileges — no one does — neither do women. Pretty women always get to jump the queues & richest boyfriends. I know by experience. You know Water that I’m not pretty like you, but I’m highly bangable so it works out the same. 

I will never call myself a feminist till I’m the real deal. 

I love you, Water. I hope that never changes.

Skyler

P.S. Don’t get cigarettes — I’ve 17 — when you come over on Friday. Get me that novel you were reading — The Book Thief.

P.S. I don’t want you to try to punch boys - even asshole Virat. If they can’t hit us, we can’t hit them either.