Love Letter to a Doosh
Hey, Doosh
We met in June ’15 — six years ago. You had just turned 17. I was teaching SAT in the class that you walked in with coffee spilled all over your light-colored T. Through the class, you kept taking smallish sips from the take-away coffee cup that was placed precariously on your chair’s writing pad. There’s no way in hell, I would’ve known in that moment that I — twice your age — would be writing you a letter —6 years later— when you’re 23 & you’ll be reading my novel — 143 Days — about my star-crossed yet indelible love story when I was 23.
A lot more than that extraordinary fact, I’m bloody glad to have you in my life. And I say that not to be nice or kind, I say that as the truth. It’s also true, when I met you the last time & you were late by an hour, I wanted to choke you. But then I didn’t as I couldn’t fathom to be at your funeral. I don’t like funerals & I don’t like airports. Though, I can’t rule out choking you ever.
I do want you to show up on time the next time - whosoever you’re meeting. I do want you to fix this glitch in your life.
I have no doubt that you’re spectacularly flawed. But you’re a rare human who doesn’t bullshit herself. You know who you’re. You know you’re getting ridiculous amount of attention from boys & everyone now. The phoney hype, stardust & admiration hasn’t gotten super-glued to your head. You haven’t become a cunt. At the end of the day, everyone likes someone beautiful & successful with a ‘firm rack’. What’s real is when someone likes someone when they’re down & out, when they’re looking terrible & in a horror mood & their life sucks ass. When you knock that someone’s door at 3.17am, he’s happy to you see your face when he opens the door. He’s happy to listen to you rant & watch you eat bagel with cream cheese & chuckles when you smack his hand as he tries to eat your garlic bread ;)
Sure, you will evolve & be a newer you when you’re 25, 49, 77 [you’re not gonna live till 77. I will choke you well before]. But whatever you become as you grow older, never let go of the honesty in your heart, blood & butt. I don’t care for your massive hooters or how pretty & young you’re or how amazing you’re doing in your business of making rich people’s home look like Taj Mahal. All I give a damn about is when I sit down with you, you’re not a pretentious, conceited piece of trash.
There is something captivating about you that makes me feel awe. And I almost never feel awe for anyone — including myself. Awful is something I feel for most humans mostly.
From the day I met you in a cafe in Satyaniketan, when you said to me before boarding the auto to your home “You know you weren’t really all that boring as I was certain you’d be” to telling me in that bar in HKV after a few beers “Sir, I think I sure can handle my alcohol a lot better than you can. You’re already drunk.” You had had the same number of pints as me but you were sober as a nun. I gotta say it was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life that a 17-year-old virgin, toddler destroyed me at light-weight beer chugging. And I cherish it like hell. I always will.
I also remember when I yelled at you on a phone call in December 2019. And then we didn’t speak for 1.5 years — but felt like eternity. When I spoke with you on the phone 2 weeks ago, it felt like I knew you & you knew me. That was such a cathartic feeling.
Last time, we met, I recall you were speaking & I kept looking at you. I kept thinking — Wow, this kid I knew is a grown woman now. I felt emotional. And at the same time, I knew, you will, at any moment, spill your drink all over the damn place. Some things never change & I’m glad that they don’t.
And at some point in our conversation at the coffee shop, you said to me “I’m really grateful that you came into my life when I was 17, when I was going through a lot. You helped me get through some of those tough moments.” It’s always nice to hear nice things but I’m too honest to buy bullshit. But my heart knew you weren’t bullshitting. That’s why what you said made me solid happy. I was happy to know that my life isn’t all fluff & bluster.
I hope you do everything you want to do in life. And I know you’ll be amazing. I do ask you to do something else too — be kind to people whom you don’t love & those who can’t give you anything back for your kindness.
I’ve always believed — “If my dreams don’t include creating happiness for people other than myself & my loved ones then my dreams are worthless & my existence is an absolute waste.”
And I appreciate you sketching something for me. I’m grateful. I will keep it right next to the pictures of the kids I molested with my pal — Michael Jackson :)
Take care, Doosh
Stay Awesome
Stay Alive & if you succeed at that — then Come Alive
Gaurav — Solid Proof that God Fucks up BigTime
— Time for Some Wicked thoughts of a Wicked Soul —
“Religion is nothing but a joke that went too far.”
“College is the sole time in human lives when we enjoy adulthood’s beautiful liberties & joys without being crushed by the grotesque & constant necessity to spend our most-precious gift — Time, towards earning money that we don’t need to buy things we don’t want.”
“There are no happy endings - just happy in-betweens.”
“Death is the only one that’s fair
We all get one.”
“A girl is never a virgin. Her gender fucked her at birth.”
“Everything is fictional; especially the truth.”
"The humans who aren't broken by life are the ones who never lived."
"Dreams are reality waiting to be born."
"Life will destroy you, eventually. But never let it defeat you."
--- Why I Write ---
"If I think my writing will change you, I'd be delusional. I do hope some of it will compel you to stop for a moment & contemplate. But, I don't write for that either. It'd be a betrayal to writing if I did it for anything. I write because nothing else makes sense & my life becomes meaningless when I don't."
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