Sapiens — Honest Book Review [Rating: 4.5 ⭐️]

Before I review the book review, let me tell you a little bit about who the fuck am I.

I was in jail till last week. Let me repeat that. I was in jail till last week. 

During my live on YouTube trial, I told the judge “I didn’t switch off my wife. My wife ran away with her boyfriend — Saddam Hussein.”

Well, the Judge was a lesbian & she refused to believe anything I said. Why? Because I’m not a lesbian — she told me “Saddam is dead & so are you” and gave me a fuckin’ life sentence.

As it turns out — After five years in jail, I was released last week after my 7^th ex-wife bumped into my allegedly-dead wife, allegedly-dead Saddam & Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un in a strip club in North fucking Korea. My 7^th ex-wife instantly sent the evidence to my lesbian judge’s Instagram & I was released immediately — without any apology — without any compensation — without any job. 

Shameless!

Anyway, when I got out I asked people what’s the easiest way to make money now-a-days. Everyone gave me the same answer — Become a YouTuber/Blogger — And that’s why I’m here.  

Though, most books in jail were about “How to Get Away with Your Wife’s Murder”, I read some  deliciously amazing books. Now, I will be reviewing three of my favorite books of all time.

First: Sapiens

Second: Sapiens

Third: Sapiens

What the fuck — I just realized they’re all same books - I read the same fucking book thrice — anyway, you can trust me, I’m Indian & everyone knows Indians are the most trustworthy people ever. Even on Jupiter, everyone loves Indians. 

Alright, enough about me — let’s talk about the goddamn book. 

Yuval Noah Harari — the author of the book — had originally named it: Homo sapiens

But he was rightfully advised by his Gujarati-American editor — Kamlesh Bhai to remove ‘Homo’ from the title as people might confuse it for a book exclusively for Homo sexuals :)

Fun Fact: Yuval Harari is Super Gay. 

Yuval decided to listen to Kamlesh Bhai’s profound advice & rest — as they say — is history. 

Why Do I Love this Book?

I love it because it’s so fuckin’ offensive. I love books that have an amazing ability to offend snowflake humans. They give me million orgasms. 

What the Hell is this Book About?

It’s about the past, present & future of humans.

Here are a select few crispy offensive things Yuval Harari says in the book.

He says Humans are Animals & are no different from Chimpanzees or Dogs. He doesn’t specify which dogs — I mean I am happy to be compared to a fancy breed like Golden Retriever but not the basterd dirty street dogs.

He also talks about obvious things as well like — Everyone Loves Money — he says “Though Saint Osama Bin Laden hated everything about America, he loved American Dollars more than he loved his 124 sons & daughters.” I’m bloody sure Saint Laden had more than 124 kids :)

He says only human beings believe in Fictional Stories like Gods, Humans Rights, Ghosts, Nations, Corporations & Heaven — We promise crazy things to each other like “Give me that banana & you will go to heaven & 77 virgins will be waiting to have sex with you.” Try that trick with a chimpanzee — he will never ever give you the goddamn banana for the promise of heaven & virgins. He’s not stupid like humans. 

Harari also claims — in olden times people believed everything was Alive. For example, a rock had sexual desires & also craved to smoke weed twice a week & got angry when his rock girlfriend cooked terrible food. I wonder if rocks invented rock music.

The one claim that will piss off most of the Indians is that all humans came from East Africa & we were all dark skinned to begin with. Tell my mother that we are Africans & she will slap you senseless till you come back to your senses.

He then says that in Stone Age Women had sex with 100s of men & then made all of them raise the kids. None of the men ever knew whose kids they were raising. Women were real thugs back then.

His future prediction is that Humans Beings will be extinct real soon & replaced by Intelligently Designed New Humans, who will be the New Gods. 

Harari claims that in the future, there will be jobs only for smart people — like those who can code or who are good looking. All the others will be called The Useless Class — I will surely be the Useless Class because I don’t know how to code & as you can see I’m really difficult to look at. 

Alright it’s time for the Ratings, bitches — Everyone Loves Ratings

4.5 ⭐️  

I would’ve given it a perfect five but I was born in India, so I can never give a book 5 ⭐️s if I didn’t get the book for free :)

Stay awesome & Smoke weed :)